Finding Myself
by Iceyheat
Summary: Who am I? All my life I've been scared to ask these questions when finally I'm given the chance to live my life. It's my time and I'm ready for it. More summary inside. Rated M for future stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****Hi guys, this is my first fanfic story ever. Sorry for any mistakes**

_**Summary: **_**Marie has been living her life in fear. Until one day she realizes that she has had enough. She finally goes out and searches who she ****really is and who is her real family.**

* * *

"MARIE! Damn it! Get the fuck over here now!" Oh no what did I do now? The clothes are washed, the floors are shiny, the dishes are all put away, and I even changed his sheets. What is it? I ran towards the living room where the voice was

located, to find him hunch over the carpet looking at a spot. That stain wasn't there when I cleaned the living room earlier this morning. He probably spilled his beer there earlier, so he can blame me for something.

"Y-y-yes, Dad?" I said nervously. "What did I tell you about spilling things on the floor?" he said sweetly. I hated when his voice became soft, it was like he was talking to a baby. That was a clear sign he was pissed.

"To always clean it," I said quietly.  
"And what's this mess then huh?"

"B-b-but I didn't spill it sir." _Damn it why did I stutter? He hates it when I stutter_

"B-b-but, Stop you're goddam stuttering you little piece of shit!" he said angrily.

"I'm s-sorry sir." I said quickly

"Damn it Marie, when are you going to learn that I want a clean house?" he said while walking around me, like a predator hunting its prey.

"I'm sorry sir, I'll clean it right up," I said. As I was getting ready to leave, I felt his hand grip my upper arm so tightly that I knew for sure it was going to bruise later on.

"Where do you think you're going?" he said. What I didn't realize was, as I was getting ready to leave he grabbed the leather belt that was hanging on the wall near the door.

"Dad pl-pl-please don't." I said shakily. _Don't cry Marie. Don't cry. You know if you do it will just make things worst. _

"Tsk tsk tsk Marie, you know I hate it when you beg." _Whack whack. _This belt was my least favorite but his favorite. All the studs on it would cling into my skin which hurts and leave a cut every time he retracted it back and did it again.

"Count it Marie!" he said.

"O-o-one" "Two" "Th-th-three," after the fourteenth time I started to close my eyes.

"Wake up! You little bitch! It's not naptime! What do they teach you at the school?"

As I started to close my eyes, he dropped me into the wood floor. Looking up at him, I can't remember any of the good time we had.

I don't even think we had any. All I remember was my first slap in the face when I wouldn't I didn't push in my chair. I guess that was just the beginning.

As I started to fall asleep, I felt a sharp kick in my stomach. "Oomph."

"Dad dad, I can't breathe," I said breathlessly. "Well that's not my fault now is it?"

"Clean up this goddam mess before I come back from work, got it?" he said before leaving.

All I could do was just nod my head. After what seemed to be hours I finally got up. I cradled by ribs, which felt to be broken. _It's just going to get worse from her Marie. Do it. Just call the cops and report him. You know he won't miss you. What do you have to lose? _ I tried to remember all the good times we had, but nothing. As I started

To pack up, I went into his room to get some money. As I walked through the door and opened his closet door, I looked inside his shoebox that kept all the money he had for emergency. I think $1000 is enough to get me far away from here.

As I started to look for more money in the closet, I saw a big box labeled _Renee's stuff_. Why would he still keep my mom's stuff? She was long gone. No one knows where she went. _He probably killed_ _her_ I thought. _No, no, she ran away. Right Marie? _"Right" I said out loud. Shaking my head, I went and opened the box, looking inside I found old pictures of Renee and Charlie looking very happy. I saw a lot of old pictures of them in their high school days. But as I dug even further

I saw a birth certificate entitled to "Isabella Marie Cullen." _Cullen? What? My last name is Swan not Cullen and my first name is Marie. _As I started to dig further into the box there were pictures of a couple and me as a baby. I know it was me, because I used to see pictures of me on the wall before Charlie took them down and burnt them when Renee left. They looked very sweet and welcoming. _Wow they have the same blue eyes as me. _ I used to ask Charlie, why I was the only one in the family who had blue eyes while all of them had dark brown. After he pushed me around and hit me, I learned my lesson to stop asking questions.

As I turned the picture over, on the top it was titled "_Esme and Carlisle bringing home Bella." _As I started to see more and more evidence of this Esme and Carlisle I began to piece everything together. _I'm adopted? Is Esme and Carlisle my real parents? They gave me away? But why? _I had so many more questions that needed the answer too.

Before Charlie could come home, I grabbed my birth certificate, social security, passport, some cash, and the picture of Esme, Carlisle, and me, and put all into the duffel bag that carried my clothes. I ran into the garage and threw every thing inside my old red pickup truck that I got as a gift from Jacob.

As I took one last look at the picture, on the bottom was written _Forks, Washington 1994_. _ That's it, I'll go to Forks and find my birth parents._ As I backed out of the driveway and into the street I took one last look at my old home. _This is it. There's no turning back. _And with that final thought, I sped away from Arizona and towards Forks, Washington.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I just wanted to try my hand into this. Please review and tell me if ****I'm missing anything or what I need to change. If you guys want me to continue it then I'll try my best to fulfill your wishes.**

**Thank you XOXO,  
Icy**


	2. Chapter 2

Driving down the highway towards Forks seems to take longer then I expected. I didn't know if it was just the anxiety I was getting as I was getting closer or how in the back of my mind I had a feeling that Charlie was going to find me.

I decided to take a pit stop at a little motel in Nevada. As I checked in and walked into my room, it was a little messy as you would expect from a room that cost $35 a night. _Well at least I have a bed now_. I thought. It was just past 9 p.m., that I decided to call it a night. I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed as I ever left in a while. As I got up and looked into the mirror I could see the bruises that started

to form where Charlie grabbed me. _Good thing all my clothes are sweaters and jeans. _ As I lifted up my shirt I could see a big bruise on the side of my stomach. It looked worst then it felt. I don't think I had any broken ribs, since it wasn't hurting as bad. I started to poke it and it felt more like a sprain rather then a broken rib. Trust me, I've had a lot of those in my time to know the difference. As I went to back to stare into the mirror and at my face, it was like a 30 year old was staring right back at me rather then a 17 year old.

I decided then and there that I would cut my hair. Leaving my room, I asked the receptionist if she had any scissors. Heading back into the room with scissors in my hand I took one final glance at my long brown hair. I started to get a little nostalgic. _ Why are you going to cry? It is just hair. It'll grow back eventually. Just imagine it as your past. You're cutting off the memories. _With that final thought I cut my hair to where my shoulders were. As I stared at the all the hair I cut off that was on the floor I started to cry. I know, I know, why would you be crying over hair.

The last time I cut my hair was when I was 5 yrs. old. That day was also the last time I saw Renee. Ever since then I thought that if I were to let my hair grow then she would come back and take me. Stupid idea, but it got me through all the times Charlie wouldn't answer my questions.

_It's okay Marie, that's all in the past now. Just keep moving forward._ "Just keep moving forward," I said through my sobs. After cleaning up the mess and checking out I started to start back on the road again.

After the 11-hour drive to Forks, I was finally here. How can I tell? Well I did just past by a sign that said, _Welcome to Forks. Pop: 12,365. _Well you can add me to that now since I'll be here for a while. As I pasted the sign I stopped at a bed and breakfast called _Midnight Rest_. Walking into the place, it felt very homey. It was like stepping into my grandma's house with the smell of fresh baked brownies wafting into the air.

As I was looking around the room, a medium height blonde boy came into my view.

"Hi, welcome to _Midnight Rest_, my name is Mike," he said too excitedly. As I stared into his eyes, he seemed a little to eager to help me.

"Um, Hi, can I book a room please?"

"Well, I don't work here, my family owns the place so I just greet the guest."

Before I can say anything else he grabbed my hand and leaned in closely whispering in my ear, "I only greet the pretty guest and that would include you."

"S-s-sorry, I just want a room please," I said shakily. They way he grabbed my hand made me think of all the times Charlie used to drag me from room to room. I'm surprised my arm only came out of my socket one time. "Hey, hey, I didn't catch your name."_ Ohh ya, I was talking to someone_. Pushing those thoughts away I saw Mike

shaking his hands in front of my face. "Hey, what was your name again?"

_Should I tell him its Marie? No remember! New town, New self. What was that name on that picture? _"Isabella!" I shouted. I saw him flinch back a little. "Sorry, Isabella is my name, but I prefer Bella."

* * *

**A/N: Hi guys, thanks for sticking around. I would love to get your feedback on this. As of right now, i kinda know how I want this story to go, but I'm open to any suggestions.**

**Thank you XOXO,  
Icy**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I guess I forgot to put a disclaimer in the beginning of the story.  
well I don't own any of the characters all belongs to SM. **

* * *

"Bella, hmm that name sounds very familiar," he said. "What did you say was your last name?"

_Swan or Cullen? No, I don't want to say anything what if he calls the police and reports me. Then I would have to go back and live with Charlie and that will not happen. I can't let that happen_.

"I didn't say," I said dismissedly. "So.. about that room, can I book one or not?"

"Ya, ya alright hold up a second, I'll get you one."

While he was typing away on the computer, I looked out the door and saw that it was raining. I've never seen one place change from one weather to another. I guess I was used to all the dry heat and sun that Arizona gave. "Here's your key to your room," Mike said disrupting me from my thoughts. Giving me a wink he said, "I hope I see you again soon."

_Oh good God, please leave me alone_. "Umm uh huh yah, thanks again bye." I said in a rush. I was ready to leave the lobby and go to my room.

Taking the hallway that was on the right of receptionist table, I went in search for my room. _Room 13A, wow such lucky number huh Marie_._ Stop saying Marie, you're Bella now. Come one Bella, Bella, Bella. _"Bella is my name," I said loudly. Good thing I was alone in this hallway or people will be wondering who I was talking too. Finally getting to my room, I had the time to just relax and think of my next step in action.

_All right Marie, I mean Bella, we need to set up a checklist on what we need to do._

_STEP 1: Buy some food. _ Looking around the room I was glad to find a tiny fridge. _Hmm it's okay I can make do with cold stuff for now. _

_STEP 2: Check in to a school._ I love school, even though I hated the students back were I came from, I still love the idea of learning new information. After high school I'm going to college somewhere far away from here. Maybe out of the country?

_Step 3: Find Esme and Carlise_. That one is going to be harder then it seems. I don't even know if I'm ready to face them and find out the truth. What if they didn't want me in the first place? Will they accept me? Or will they just abandon me like what Charlie and Renee did? _Well you just have to take that chance Bella._

_STEP 4: DON'T GET CAUGHT: Most important step_. I know that I have to be really careful in what I tell people from this town.

What if they know Charlie or something? They could send me right back to him and I don't want that.

Just one more year and I can stop hiding and report him. "Ha, ya right like that would stop him." I said outloud. After making the list I decided to go out and explore the town since it was only 2:30 p.m. After taking a shower and changing into some jeans, a tank top with a hoodie over it, and some black converse, I decided to go and eat at the diner across the street.

Walking out, I took a deep breath and smelled the air. It was weird how one town can give me so much peace in a day. _So far so good._

Crossing the street and walking into the diner I saw a lot of old cars. _Ya, I could totally fit into here._ But as I looked more towards my left I saw a bright glossy red BMW. _Wow someone is very flashy here._ As I walked inside the diner the door made a _ding_ _ding _sound. As I tried to shut it gently, a very jubilant looking girl came into my view

"Hi, my name is Jessica, but I like to go by Jess. Table for how many?" she said all at one go. Looking around me, I thought she was talking to somebody else. Couldn't she tell I was the only one walking in? "Uh, one." I said obviously.

"Well, that's lonely," I heard her mutter.

"Sorry what was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Here I'll lead you to a booth."

As I walked behind her I saw that the diner was filled with many people who was watching our exchanged. _What a great start to not attract any attention_. As I felt my face start to turn red from embarrassment I looked down. "Here you are, I'll be back in a few to get your order. What would you like to drink?" Jessica or Jess said.

"Lemonade is fine." I said as I took my seat.

"Alright be back."

I took the menu and held it in front of my face clear from anyone's view. _Why did they all have to stare, was there something on my face? _"Alrighty, here's your lemonade, you ready to order?" This Jess person is starting to get on my nerves with her high pitched talking. I get it it's her job and everything but she can at least tone it down a bit.

"Yah, I'll just have your burger and fries, with a side of vanilla shake."

"Okay coming right up."

After she took the menu, I had nothing to use to hide my face from the crowd. Well at least only a few are staring now.

Looking around the room I saw 4 beautiful people seated at a table to the left of me. All of them looked so picture perfect. I couldn't help but stare. I guess they sensed me staring at them; they stopped their talking and looked right at me.

Embarrassed from being caught I blushed and looked down staring at my lemonade. I guess I was drinking too fast that I started to choke on the lemonade. That seemed to make the really burly looking guy laugh really hard. _Great they are making fun of me._ _Just eat and get out of here. Eat and get out. _ That was my mantra to get through this dinner.

When Jessica finally arrived with my food, I started to eat it as fast as I can. I just really wanted to get out of this place after that little situation. As I was about to ask for the check,

The most gorgeous guy to ever exist walked into the diner. It looked like he just finished shooting for a magazine. Everything about him oozed confidence, authority, and sex appeal. His face was perfectly proportioned and even had the perfect 5'oclock shadow that most men tried to achieve. Even his hair was perfectly comb over. Mr. Perfect. That was him.

I began to fantasize about him and I. Imagining those beautiful luscious lips on me just kissing me from head to toe_. No Bella, stop you have a mission here. Can't be daydreaming about him. _"Ya you're right." I mumbled lowly to myself.

After taking one more glance at him, I saw him sit down at the table with those 4 beautiful people, laughing, and putting his arm around the short pixie looking girl.

_Yup someone that gorgeous would have a girlfriend already. _Finally getting the check from Jessica and hearing her talk about how we should hang out or whatever I was finally able to leave the diner.

Going back to the inn, I saw Mike again and ask him where the nearest high school was. He began to go into a whole rant about Forks HS, how it had the best basketball team ever, and blah blah blah.

I should feel bad for tuning him out, but all he does was talk about basketball this and how he plays for the team. After finally getting directions I went down there and signed up for school. It was a very small school. But what could you expect from a town that populated not even half of my old school. Walking inside the building I saw an old lady, who appears to be sleeping but I could be wrong, "Hi, I would like to register for school please." I said softly.

"Hmm, oh yes dear, hold on please." She seemed so nice. Reminded me of my

Grandma Swan back home.

Oh how much I missed her. Its been 4 years since she died. It was a surprise to everyone that knew her, it was even a big shocker when we found out she died of a heart attack. Everyone was devastated, all except Charlie. When I got a call that said that Grandma Swan died, I didn't know what to do.

All I did was cry and cry, but Charlie, he just told me to suck it up and began to beat me for crying. Shaking me from my thoughts I heard the old lady say,

"What's your name dear?"

_What is your name? Bella Swan or Cullen? Do you want to use Cullen? No you'll just blow your cover. What if everyone knows them in this town._ Stuck into my thoughts I finally heard the old lady call me.

"Dear, dear, what's your name?" she asked more forcefully this time. Quickly

thinking of a last name I said reluctantly, "Bella Whitlock ma'am." After her nodding and giving me my class list

for school tomorrow she had this look as if she recognized me from somewhere. Quizzically looking at me she asked, "What was your last name again?"

"W-w-whitlock."

"Hmm are you sure?" Nodding my head quickly she continued,

"You just have the same deep blue captivating eyes as the Cullen family."

Thinking that this was my only chance of finding about Esme and Carlisle. I took the bait. "R-r-really?" _Damn it Bella, stop stuttering be more convincing._

"Ahem, I mean, Cullen? Who are they?" I said looking really confused.

"Well they're just this family that lives hmm, I don't know maybe about 6 miles away from here. They are all so sweet especially that Doctor Cullen and his wife. Just about the nicest people you could ever meet."

"Oh well I have never heard of them before."

"Well, don't mind me dear, I'm just thinking out loud." She said will waving her hand dismissidly.

"Well thank you again for your help.."

"Mrs. Cope dear."

"Right, Thanks again." I said as nicely as I could. Before I was about to leave I had a feeling that I should ask her the names of the Doctor and his wife were. _Try act more convincing this time Bella. _Turning around to face Mrs. Cope again I asked,

"Mrs. Cope, what did you say was the names of Doctor and his wife were?"

"Carlisle and Esme." Said another voice from the door. I turned around quickly to look at the voice.

Before I was able to say anything to her Mrs. Cope said, "Hi Esme darling, what can I do for you?"

and that was the first time I ever met Esme Cullen.

**A/N: Hi guys, thanks again for reading this chapter. If you have any suggestion or anything just review.**

**Thank you XOXO,  
Icy**


End file.
